Finding answers (IVF)

After about 2 years of trying to get pregnant, we finally went to a fertility clinic. We really wrestled with the ethics of IVF and what was best for us. We went to multiple adoption agencies and looked into fostering. We really still want to adopt and have always seen it as a wonderful option for us, but also wanted biological kids. We wanted to see this out, but kept also pursing the options of adoption at the same time. After much prayer and research, we knew that our hearts were with Chinese adoption. Derek lived in China for a year and both of us have worked at an orphanage there for several years. However, we learned that you have to be 30 in order to adopt a child from China. I longed to be 30. While we waited, we decided we could at least go to the fertility clinic and see what they had to say. Our preconceived notions of IVF were so different than what we were told on our first visit to the fertility doctor. First of all, for the first time in 2 years we got an answer from the doctors as to what could be wrong. He said that he was 90% sure that the cilia lining my fallopian tubes were not working. The only way to test this to know 100% is to put radiation into my ovaries which would in turn sterilize me…which wasn’t an ideal option. haha. Since we had been trying for 2 years and the only successful pregnancy ended up ectopic, there is evidence that I do ovulate, but that the egg can’t be carried into my uterus because the cilia that carry the egg were not functioning properly. Because of this diagnosis, IUI was not a probable solution for us. Essentially, we were told that IVF was our only option if we wanted a biological child. Honestly, even though this was really hard to hear, having someone give me an answer and a reason other than “you stress too much,” was freeing.  It allowed us to really start moving forward. For so long we had just been in limbo. We thought there was something wrong and we just kept waiting and waiting  and finally we could make a plan. haha Sorry, it’s funny now looking back that I still thought I could make a “plan” even after everything we went through. I definitely did not plan on triplets. People ask me all the time if I planned on having triplets. Does anyone “plan” to have triplets??? Anyway, I honestly believe that even if the doctor had said that even IVF wouldn’t work for us, having an answer and a direction (direction is much better than plan, lets stick with that) having a direction for what was next was a breath of fresh air. If you are still in the middle of waiting and wondering and questioning – whether it’s with infertility or not – just know that waiting is a season. It’s a season that isn’t fun, but it’s a season and hopefully in that season, God will make you a better you. God definitely molded me and shaped me in our waiting. He taught me to be still and to enjoy the stillness which is a huge feat. He taught me to listen better and to not be afraid of doubt or unanswered questions. He taught me to have compassion for the broken. He reminded me that I have incredible cheerleaders all around me. Life is full of waiting seasons. This wasn’t my first and it won’t be my last one. So, Im learning to let myself mourn and be sad but also to allow myself to be shaped in the waiting.

Anyway, back to IVF…For most of our infertility journey, both Derek and I were against IVF. We thought the chances of it working were low, it was way to expensive, and we both love adoption. So, when the doctor told us that IVF was our only option, it was weird that both of us didn’t immediately shut him out. We listened as he explained that the odds of us getting pregnant through IVF were incredibly high. Science has come so far now and my uterus and eggs were in great shape. So we listened to him explain the process and so many of our fears and preconceived ideas seemed to fall away. The cost was still getting me though. I thought it just seemed so crazy to pay all this money and not know for sure if it would work, when I could pay money to an adoption agency and guarantee that it would work. I did lots of research and realized that the chance of it working was really high for me. On the day that I finally decided that I wanted to try IVF, a friend got into a car wreck and totaled her car. She was fine, but she had to buy a whole new car. We don’t think twice about spending $20,000 on a new car. And if our kids need a surgery or a special tutor or private tuition or really anything, we would pay it in a heartbeat. It made me realize that my reasoning for not doing IVF should not be based solely on money. I spend money on things all the time, so why was it hard to spend money in order to have a chance at a biological baby. I really do understand that some people have ethical issues with IVF, and I understand that it is not the right journey for others. Derek and I still really want to adopt, but for me, choosing to do IVF was the same as other people choosing to have a biological child the “normal” way. It just cost a little more money. People choose everyday to have biological children instead of or in addition to adopting and we don’t think twice if someone gets pregnant the “normal” way. My biological children just cost a little more and took a little longer to get here. Science rocks by the way. I love that I was able to have this opportunity thanks to amazing scientists that figured out how to bypass my non working fallopian tubes and place a baby straight into my uterus. It’s actually pretty incredible. Later this week, Derek will post answers to common about the ethics of IVF and questions that we have been asked or had ourselves in this process. So, be on the lookout for that soon. Next week, I will detail our first round of IVF so if you are curious what that looks like, stay tuned!

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